Narrated By Sarah

Vegas Chronicles Part 4: Just Follow the Golden Tower

Sarah Ann — Sat, 09 May 2026 16:11:18 GMT

Readers, I promised you the story of how the boys and I ended up at In-N-Out Burger at 1 a.m. after the Morgan Wallen concert questioning every decision we have ever made in our lives. So here we are.

First of all, apologies for the delay. Life has been a little chaotic lately which honestly feels on brand for me at this point. I will explain that disast…

Readers, We Ride Again

Sarah Ann — Fri, 08 May 2026 06:08:30 GMT

Readers! Hello! Quick little check-in before the rumor mill starts filing missing persons reports: Part 4 of the Vegas Chronicles will NOT be dropping tonight. I KNOW. I can already hear the collective disappointment echoing through the group chats. Tragique. Devastating. A national emergency honestly.

I’m just not feeling it tonight, Readers. The brain …

The Gossip Column Ends Here

Sarah Ann — Fri, 08 May 2026 03:44:58 GMT

Hello Readers,

It’s just us now.

This little Substack corner of the internet is officially the only place I’ll be writing my thoughts from here on out. And honestly? Probably for the best.

Look, I know I overshare online. I have been doing it since I was 12 years old making unhinged little GeoCities websites while the rest of the world was outside touching…

Vegas Chronicles Part 3: Last Night We Let the Liquor Talk

Sarah Ann — Thu, 07 May 2026 04:52:48 GMT

Readers, let me say this:

The Morgan Wallen concert was absolutely amazing.

The energy? Insane.
The crowd? A full-blown country music fever dream.
My boyfriend? Somehow transformed from emo eyeliner prince into full country cowboy while still dressed like he was one minor inconvenience away from joining a 2007 Warped Tour lineup.

It was magical. It was chaot…

Readers, We Almost Lost Me Today

Sarah Ann — Thu, 07 May 2026 00:27:51 GMT

READERS. I need all of you to understand the level of suffering I endured this morning because frankly I do not think enough studies have been done on what happens to people like me when society temporarily collapses.

And by society collapsing, I mean the internet went out.

Not just the internet either. No. Because apparently the universe looked down at m…

Vegas Chronicles Part 2: The Pre-Concert Spiral

Sarah Ann — Wed, 06 May 2026 04:17:50 GMT

Readers, imagine, if you will, lying peacefully in a bed made of clouds.

A Tower bed, no less. The kind of bed that makes you briefly believe in healing, luxury, and the possibility that your body might recover from a Vegas weekend with Craig and Bestie.

You are asleep.

Finally.

Maybe you’re dreaming about tacos. Maybe you’re dreaming about sleeping in for …

Taco Bell Matrimony: A Love Story Nobody Approved

Sarah Ann — Wed, 06 May 2026 03:06:07 GMT

In honor of Cinco De Mayo, Readers, let me tell you the deeply concerning story of how my boyfriend and I would absolutely, under no circumstances whatsoever, get married in a Taco Bell.

Now before some of you start lighting candles and ordering bridesmaid dresses, calm down immediately. WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED.
This is hypothetical. Fictional. A dram…

Vegas Chronicles Part 1: The Great Migration

Sarah Ann — Tue, 05 May 2026 04:27:53 GMT

My OG Readers already know the rule: if a weekend with the boys gets recapped in one post, society collapses. The servers crash. I black out halfway through typing. Bestie probably files a formal complaint with management over the timeline inconsistencies.

So naturally this story requires parts. Multiple parts. Possibly an unnecessary amount of parts bec…

The Poop Emoji Goes to Vegas

Sarah Ann — Fri, 01 May 2026 04:01:59 GMT

READERS.

In less than 24 hours, the boys and I will once again be making a completely unnecessary, financially irresponsible, emotionally unstable pilgrimage to Las Vegas for Morgan Wallen.

And for those of you who are new here and thinking, “Aw, fun! A cute little best friend trip!”

I need to stop you right there.

Because this is not a cute little best fri…

The Met Gala But Make It a Gas Station Stop

Sarah Ann — Thu, 30 Apr 2026 04:20:18 GMT

Readers,

Especially my newbies! Welcome. You have arrived at what can only be described as the least stable entry point possible. Truly impeccable timing on your part.

Because apparently, the exact week I decide to launch a Substack is also the exact week the boys and I will pack ourselves into a car, head to Las Vegas, check into the Tower like we’re at…

I Was Supposed to Stay Home

Sarah Ann — Wed, 29 Apr 2026 03:25:05 GMT

Good evening, Readers.

Welcome to another episode of: Sarah Promised She Was Going to Stay Home, Make Responsible Choices, and Relax. Then Immediately Remembered She Has Never Once Been That Woman.

I do this to myself all the time.

At least once a month, I find myself with a rare weekend at home. No boys. No road trip. No overpriced hotel lobby where Best…

Dear Readers, This Was a Bad Idea

Sarah Ann — Tue, 28 Apr 2026 03:29:43 GMT

Dear Readers,

Before you go any further, I feel morally obligated to warn you that this is not a calm corner of the internet. This is not where a well-adjusted woman shares thoughtful reflections, five life lessons, and a soft little recommendation for a morning routine that will change your life.

This is where the universe, for reasons known only to its…